Dropping My Daily Stool Sample

Plugs

You are listening too . . .
What else, The Blarney Stone from Ween.

Dear Malach

• Nursemyra asks: Dear Malach,  Let me get this straight – Urkel is only the father of the three boys isn’t he? your client’s daughter’s three girls were fathered by someone else weren’t they? Or was he just going up and down stairs impregnating them in turn? Ahh my fair nurse, now you know why this would make a wonderful reality show . . . he is the father of ALL OF THEM.

St. Patrick’s Day
Many of you might already know I have  major issue with St. Patrick’s Day, so hear goes my yearly rant with a few things added.

Why do I hate St. Patrick’s Day you ask?  I tell you why.  Well, why is St. Patrick’s Day, a day of celebration for being Irish and all things Irish, like a major holiday here in the US?  Unless you are born and raised in IRELAND, you are not Irish.  Just because 300 years ago, you might of have a relative from Ireland, you are still not Irish.  YOU ARE AMERICAN.  As American’s when do we ever celebrate being American?  July 4th?  Not really.    Why do people insist in this coutry on telling people their ethnic ancestory instead of saying they are American?  What do you mean you ask?

Ask anyone in the US what they are, 99.9% will tell you their ancestory and not that they are AMERICAN.  Even when their North American ancestry traces back to the 1600’s.  Many of my friends are of Portuguese ancestry.  They all say they are Portuguese.  Most of my friend are 2nd and 3rd generation Americans, and are no more Portuguese than I am.  They were not born and raised in Portugal, most haven’t even been to their ancestral home, so how can they be Portuguese?  Mani of my friends tell me I am French.  Sorry, first, my ancestors from 5 – 600 years ago that spoke French are from Canada not France, and both sides of my family go back at least 4 generations of American born and bred, and before that they are mainly Canadian and Native American, so still North American.  I am no more French than the Pope is Eskimo.

Why does this happen in America?  Cause we are “the melting pot”?  Sorry but this country hasn’t been a melting pot or open immigration since the 1920’s.  So are we embarassed?  Is being American too boring?  I don’t see Ireland celebrating Independence Day and going around with Red White and Blue.  Does this happen in other countries?

Addtionally I have a problem with the term “African American” (or “Irish American” or “Mexican American” etc).   You are not African American, you are AMERICAN.  Even if your ancestors were forcibly brought here as slaves, their successive generations are Americans.  If you want to differentiate your race, your are black, just as I am white.  All of my black friends ancestry is longer in the country than my Portuguese friends.  You are not African.  YOU ARE AMERICAN!

I don’t think you see this in other countries?  I have never heard of a Irish European or an African Australian or for that matter a Mexican Canadian.  Do other countries celebrate St. Patrick’s Day like we do?

That is the other thing, what do use AMERICANS do on St. Patrick’s Day?  Or for that matter Cinqo De Mayo?  We get innebriated . . . way to support those Irish stereotypes.  Might as well have an African American day and eat Fried Chicken and Watermelon.

Malach calls for American Day!  Let’s celebrate being Americans!  Even those from Texas!  Don’t be embarassed to be AMERICAN!  Dubya is no longer our President, you don have to be scared.

Think the weather’s bad here?
Try Jupiter.  I also had some fun today egging on several people on a science forum arguing about whether Pluto is a planet or not.  Nerd Fight!

Malach’s Video of the Day

I am Malach and not all Ninjas are awesome

No plugs

Ahh my crazy clients and their families .  .
So, let me tell you a story.   OK, so one of my favorite clients, her daughter.

Her daughter is also on SSI.  She lives in a 3 bedroom in the city, with her significant other and their 3 daughters.  Her significant other is also on SSI, and a former heroin addict, now a reformed Jehovah Witness.  They have a Section 8, so pay little rent, all are on Medicaid, and she they get foodstamps Not too abnormal for New Bedford.

So here were it gets good.  They live in a 3 family tenement on the 3rd floor.  On the second floor lives another woman, who is the mother of her significant others 3 sons.  Oh it gets better.

They have lived there for 17 years, all of them.  So, here are the order the kids were born.  First in my client’s daughter’s daughter, who is 16.  Second his son by the other woman, who is 15, next is again my client granddaughter who is 13, then another son from the other woman who is 10, then my client’s 8 year old grandaughter, and finally a 5 year old son from the other woman.

Ohh it gets even better.  My client’s daughter and the other woman and like sisters to each other, they have this love hate relationship.  They spend a lot of time together, and fight alot, and of course there is always this underlying current of jealousy between the two of them.  Of course, even though he lives on the 3rd floor, he needs to visit his kids downstairs and be involved in their upbringing.

Now this guy is no catch either, short fat pudgy, he looks a lot like a fat Urkel.  Of course he is recently converted to Jehovah Witness, so his past life of infidelity and addiction is now taboo.  He is trying to convert both women to his religion and swears he is going to marry my clients daughter.  He ain’t rich either, on his $800 month SSI.  He is a very mellow guy though.

And don’t get wrong, these women are how can we put this nicely . .  unattractive welfare moms.  They are both very loud, and not very nice either.

Now, this would make a reality show would it not?

The more we discover about life . .
The more I am convinced it lives out there in space!

Malach’s video of the Day

I am Malach and ah yes, an oldies but a goodie

No Plugs

You are listening too . . .
F*ck and Run from Liz Phair.   Yes, I am sure many a lady can understand this song.

YAY!
Hey Dad!  Versus is back! Just in time for the big UFC premiere!

The Weather
Even I had a little water in my basement. S’all right though, gonna be in the 60’s in the middle of the week.

Malach’s Video of the Day

I am Malach and if you have ever owned a cat, you will get this video

No Plugs

HAPPY π DAY!
Today is π Day! So let’s celebrate!  Where would the world be with out π?  We would still be banging rocks off of each others heads we would be!  So to celebrate:

Well now . .
This is a interesting article . . There has been a long debate in the Autism Community about Themerisol, the MMR vaccine, and it’s potential links to Autism.

Recently the CDC as well as some other scientists began disputing the claims of people who say the link, including other researchers.  Even more recently a leading Danish research groups funded a number of key studies into it and came to the conclusion that there was no connection . .

Well now, one of the central researchers from the group along with more that $2 Million is missing . . .

Malach’s Video of the Day

I am Malach and Cthulhu celebrates π day

No Plugs

You are listening too . .
Soap Star Joe from Liz Phair.

Daylight Savings tonight!
You lose and hour of sleep, but gain an hour of light!

Malach’s Video of the Day

I am Malach that seems pretty accurate to me

No Plugs

Geek Time
So, if any of you play Heroscape out there, I just recently bought the latest Master Set. Long story short, Heroscape is a minatures game put out by Hasbro in 2003.  Unlike many minatures games it is cheap, and kid friendly and my 8 year old loves to play it.  Was fairly popular, but not popular enough for Hasbro, so they shipped it to their Subsidiary Wizards of the Coast (of Magic, and Dungeons and Dragons fame).  This is Wizards first offering, they mixed it with D & D.  For more in depth on it, the Wiki article is a good start.

Nice little set adds a different flavor to the main game, and plays like a simplified form of Tabletop Miniatures D & D.  Son and I played a little today with that set only and both liked it.  As a old school D & D it is interesting how they mixed it in.

No a little aside on D & D.  Malach has been play for about 30 years.  Yes, I started around age 8.  I am old school and have pretty much played every version, in fact, I still own a Monster Manual from 1979.  Again long story short, D & D set a whole genre of Pen and Paper RPG going, and was a huge influence on video games.  It was sold for years and year by TSR until it ran out of steam, and went backrupt and Wizards bought the whole shebang.

Wizards complete changed the game mechanics, but they were better.  They took some of the craziness out the old rules, but still made it a geek game.  They put out several edition of their version of rules (3.0) over 10 years and then suddenly last year, made a business decision to totally revamp the rules (4.0) again to go after the “video game” generation.  Of course old schoolers like me hate it, way to simplified, to much like a video game.  So most of us have rebelled, not bought the new rules, in fact, some of the people who worked in 3.0 didn’t agree, and started their own gaming company, updating 3.0 rules.

But that is a little aside.  One of the complaints of 4.0 is you can no longer play the game without using minatures, and grids for battles.  Well it seem Wizards might of developed something even better with Heroscape D & D.  we will see.

I wasn’t going to get into this, but here I go.
I am sure you have all heard by now, the Mississippi School that cancelled their prom instead of letting a lesbian student take her girlfriend to the prom. Of course she is now suing. Here is the issue I have.  The school said it did not want to “distract” the student with this.  Seriously?  It ain’t 1986 anymore here.  Homesexuality is not only very open now, with my generation and younger, it is pretty much accepted.  None of those kids would be shocked by this, and I think the high school has created more distraction now, that if it just had the prom.

Now don’t get me wrong, if this was a Christian School, ok, they could ban it.  Just as I have no issues with the Catholic Church here in MA refusing to marry gays, it is the same there.  But this is a public school, and seriously, what do they think would happen?  Lesbian sex on the dance floor?

Malach’s Sheik Yerbouti Friday Video of the Day

I am Malach and that was weird

No Plugs

You are listening too . . .
6′1″ from Liz Phair

Dear Malach

• Nursemyra asks: Dear Malach, what’s with the video today? – INXS are cool, but Jimmy Barnes is such a tosser. I had to look up Jimmy Barnes because it seems he is the most popular Australian Singer ever, but never made it out of Down Under, got a nice lesson on Cold Chisel too.  Video was posted as the song was from Lost Boys, and it was the death of Corey Haim.  A tosser huh?  Gonna use that one.

South Beach Diet

So, I stated the South Beach Diet 2 and half weeks ago, and following fairly closely.  So far I like it, have lost 12 lbs.   Good too, I got up to 240 this winter.  Got to start jogging this weekend as Daylight Savings comes back into effect.

YAY!
Betty White rocks!

Wow
Who wants to go to the hospital in Amsterdam with me? HEEELLLLO NURSE!

Malach’s Video of they Day

I am Malach and I am a scientist

No Plugs

Another kooky day at work
So I began working with a new client last week, that was referred to me by another long time client, those can always be risky.  A 65 year old alcoholic, who I am trying to convince to retire, and helping get on Medicaid.

He had a appointment with me on Monday, but was a no show, that happens so I thought nothing of it.  He’s an old school macho man, not confortable with asking for help, so I thought nothing of it.  One thing I do not do is chase clients, way to busy to do that.

So,  I get a call from him this morning, he is heading over to St. Luke’s Emergency Room.  I guess on Sunday he got hit by a car on his bike.  Lounged around his apartment though he might recover on his own, but couldn’t breathe that well.

So, I took the other client to see him later in the afternoon, evidently, he had a broken clavicle, scapula, dislocated shoulder, 3 broken ribs, possibly broken facial bones, and a collapsed lung.  They immediately put in a chest tube and admitted for at least 3 – 4 days.  Good excuse to miss me no?

On the bright side, St. Luke’s is trying their damndest to get him on Medicaid.

NOMAH!
It was good to see Nomar retire in a Red Sox Uniform.

RIP Corey Haim
I was more of a Corey Feldman guy, but it won’t be shocked if it was drugs. RIP.

Not only does smoking make you look cool!
It prevents Parkinson’s Disease, so light up!

Malach’s Video of the Day

I am Malach and that is for Corey Haim

Plugs
There is a new Monster Millikin, and it seems it is the story of my life!

You are listening too . . .
Divorce Song, from Liz Phair off her first album, Exile in Guyville, one of the best albums of ALL TIME.  Yes it is.  I love this song.  It is so pissed off, but not overly so.  Liz got those feelings just right here.

More Fun!

Uh
Yeah, this didn’t make me think of Lindsay Lohan. . . .  Dana Plato, that makes me think of Lindsay Lohan.  Out of money already Lindsay?

Malach’s Video of the Day

I am Malach and Paint your damn house, it could save your life!

No Plugs

Tired tonight
I was up half the night with a vomiting daughter.  We will see how far this blog goes.

This looks like fun

Malach’s Video of the Day

I am Malach, and almost 60 years later, Duck and Cover is still great advice