Put on a smiley face
Published April 23rd, 2008 in .No Plugs today
I thought I would get more done as I am on vacation with the kids, but between the start of the softball season, catching up on house stuff, and web design projects, I have not. Tomorrow though I have some time, and will bring you some stuff.
Dear Malach
- Moooogley writes: Dear Malach, I’ve had explosive diarrhea for about a week now. I believe I have either E.Coli, the refried beans from the Mexican restaurant are simply stuck to my colon walls like spackle or paste (see previous comment), or my wife is poisoning me. My question is: What’s the best way to heal my ruined sphincter? It feels like John Holmes put pepper spray all over his wiener and then abused me anally for days on end. I’ve tried Vaseline, Oil of Olay and even tried rubbing a wallet sized photo of Rachel Rae on it. None of it’s working. Your ASSistance is appreciated (I’m here all week! Try the veal!) Moooooog. Wow, that is quite the question and quite the problem. First thing you must do as week long hershey squirts are dangerous. With every watery poo your losing body fluids and nutrition. Malach has an almost AMA approved way to cure this. Since you need that back into your body, get like a inch round of flexible tubing, make it long of enough to stick into your rear, into the large intestine (don’t shove to deep). If it has trouble staying in, use nature’s glue, duct tape. Make sure the tube is long enough to get into the mouth, and down the throat past the bronchial tubes. Again, duct tape if you find your self regurgitating it. Now, when you fire it off, the tube will fill, returning the needed nutrition and fluids back where they belong.
As for your other attempts, Vaseline, that just makes it more lubricated so the soft liquidy stool can just spray like a firehose, the Oil of Olay, well, if you want to get rid of wrinkles in the stool, that is fine, but you would need that baby a bit more solid I would think. It has also been proven not only does Rachael Raye cause more diarrhea, in fact, most people who meet her find that diarrhea shoots not only from the ass; but the mouth, ears, eyes, sexual organs, and nose.
I hope this was helpful and stay away from the veal.
- HTGT writes: Dear Malach, Why do you attract so much sexual tension to your blog, Malach? Malach is hot. Don’t hate him cause he is beautiful. Case in point:
Yeah you know you want me.
Let’s go Celtics
How good are these Celtics? What makes them really scary is their defense. They lead the league in all defensive categories. Atlanta who averaged 102 point per game has averaged 80 in the two games s. the C’s. Another step to 17!
The Red Sox
They too have been pretty impressive. The flu is going around the clubhouse, both Beckett and Dice K missed starts. Papi started out abysmal, and Lowell has missed 13 games and Varitek 4. And they are still 8 - 2 in the last 10.
North Korea
This is the scariest part about North Korea and Kim Jong Il. They are obviously is serious financial straights because of UN embargoes, and of course, China no longer wants to be associated with them. So of course, they begin to sell nuclear secrets to a place like Syria, or even Iran . . . Imagine, just one weapon, which of course they would set off in Israel . .
Wow
Nice to see we have the best interests of Grandma in mind huh?
Interesting . .
And you being to wonder what is true, seeing the state of the economy, and climate change. I think when I get back to work on Monday, I am stealing all the rice from the food pantry.
Maybe I have finally hit that age . .
where I am out of touch, but who the Hell is Megan Fox?
Ok, Bridget . .
Your from Africa, though South Africa in more like England than Africa, but what is up in the Congo? Is this some crazy Bush Magic? And how do I learn it?
Oh man, could you just imagine?
Malach and Paris, BFF!
Malach’s Quote of the Day
When I speak, I don’t speak as a Democrat, or a Republican… I speak as a victim of America’s so-called democracy. You and I have never seen democracy; all we’ve seen is hypocrisy. When we open our eyes today and look around America, we see America not through the eyes of someone who have — who has enjoyed the fruits of Americanism, we see America through the eyes of someone who has been the victim of Americanism. We don’t see any American dream; we’ve experienced only the American nightmare. We haven’t benefited from America’s democracy; we’ve only suffered from America’s hypocrisy. And the generation that’s coming up now can see it and are not afraid to say it. - El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz
I am Malach X.
Ever wondered that you maild in your screenplay, but send back because the address is not known? I sent my screenplay to Jade Luck Entertainment, but it said the address is not known. That is a bummer. So, i’m gonna send my screenplay to Rezquez Productions so they could see my screenplay. Hope Kid Intense: The Movie will be made. Also, I’m sending my samples of my work to Crosby Comics which is runned by Chris Crosy who happens to be the creator of his own webcomic called Superosity. I’m trying hard to make Kid Intense to make a big move.
Imagine the hell that would ensue if Iran or Syria nuked Israel. I don’t think it would be a pretty sight to behold.
Cubs got win 10,000 last night!
WHO THE HELL IS MEGAN FOX?!?!?!
Aside from the robots, cool special effects, plot, and the new Camaro…she’s the only reason to watch the Transformers movie.
Trust me on this one.
You will find yourself pausing on the scene where she’s leaning up over Shia LaBeouf’s car.
..which is awkward when you’re watching the DVD with your family.
My you’re a handsome devil.
Now, this Congo bidness … I am just as perplexed.
A long time ago, he is SA, people claimed their money was turned to worthless paper after being touched by men who had stuck their hands in their crotches.
However, here in South Africa, your penis gets cut for real. This is usually for any sexually related muti. You have to go to the aforementioned sangoma for this.
Brains are usually used for possession muti. Limbs for power and digits for money.
I do not know this because I am a witch, although some will dispute this.
And we posted on each other’s blogs almost simultaneously.
Oh my… Bridget is a South African Voodoo Queen? Lady, you are all right!
Hey, as far as anyone nuking Israel, forget it. Israel’s got nukes and anti nuke batteries and Patriot defenses etc. After Saddam’s scud attacks, the seriously upgraded. Plus, look what Israel did when Syria tried to build a nuke factory. Bip! Moussad agents are scary people.
No one will nuke Israel.
Oh, that and the fact that the Palestinians are there.
Dear Malach,
if you could go back in time and inseminate any animal with your super-seed, which one would it be?
Rice prices, Oil, men against men etc etc etc
what do you expect? that it doesn’t become true?
ITS ALL WRITEN!!!
VM: Yeah good luck with that
Mike: It would be Armageddon
Angry: Wow, so that is like 9453 since the won a championship?
Moog: have yet to see transformers
Bridget: BURN THE WITCH!
Murk; That the thing, they will try then all hell will break loose
Mocky: nice question
Toyi: Site chapter and verse
Oh I thought you would never ask that! (although I am amaized you don’tknow about it, the chapter is quite famous lol
Mathew 24 (word from Jesus’ mouth
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mathew%2024;&version=50;
enjoy
Julianne Moore is hot! I will get you while you sleep.
Toyi: Yeah, they said the same thing 1000 years ago
C. Rag: Just don’t get her, sorry
yes, it was “said” 2000 some years ago… and “we ain’t seen nothing yet” are we?
Don’t worry, God is not unfair, I want to remark that “The Gospel will be preached to the entire world before the end”.
So with all this technology… we might not be very far… it could be tonight or after we are dead… but no doubt is coming.
hehe Malach is hot, and Malach with Vaseline all over (especially on his precious) is even hotter!