Dropping My Daily Stool Sample

Plugs
I did my review of Batman: Gotham Knight over at The WoW, check it out.

Also, I forget to realize in the past year, I have acquired a number of new readers, and that some of them don’t know, that I am also a professional artist, illustrator, muralist, etc, that I do beyond websites.  My gallery is on this website and located here.  I have slacked off a bit on personal art this year, as my web design stuff has gotten busy, and I am meeting with another website client next week, so that might slow down even more.  I have been getting the urge to paint though . . . maybe tonight take a break from web design.

I do this professionally, so if you know anyone, anywhere have them shoot me a line.

My Lunch with Eve and the Angry Piper
So Malach went to lunch with Eve and the Angry Piper.  The Piper I have knows since 1984, and he lives one town over, and I at least talk to him once a week.  Eve, I have not seen since probably 1990.  It was good to catch up and hang out, even though the Piper treats Eve like they have been married for 25 years.  Eve also spilled her glass of wine on my leg, then she had to take my pants off to clean them .  . but that was fine, I work with the disabled so I crap all over me sometimes.

It was good to catch up and just fool around like it was 20 years ago, albeit with some grey hair and balding head.  I hope it was fun for Eve to as she is going through a bit of a rough couple of years.  She also convinced me I never want to live in Texas.  I also find it fun that Eve, The Piper, and myself are all the same age, but Eve has two beautiful (or as the Piper would say “Hot”) daughters 10+ year older than mine, and of course, The Piper, who is the eternal bachelor has none.

It was a lot of fun, and we definitely should make this a monthly thing.

Something I promised Tiff.
Tiff, told this sick joke the other day . . .

How do you make a 4 year old boy cry twice? 

Wipe the blood off your penis with his teddy bear.

Now Malach has one like this, and this should help the FBI investigation

What is the worst thing about child molestation? 

Trying to get the blood out of your clown suit.

Should told those at lunch.  Of course I could not remember the joke, and had to look it up, but I came across another one, you all will love.

What is the difference between a dead baby and a couch? 

I don’t have sex with couches.

Ahh, funny stuff.  Hey Humpday Jokes!

Dear Malach

• Colonel Colonel writes: Dear Malach, if Spiderman and Wonderwoman got together, would their kid be WonderSpider, or ManWoman?  Hmmm, well Spiderman and and Mary Jane Watson have Spider-Girlin a alternate reality.  But Pete and Wonder Woman, what a combo.  Wonder Woman is a half Amazonia, half god with strength on par with Superman, tons of stamina with blunt force trauma, heals at a accelerated rate, enhanced senses and the ability to communicate with animals, flight and speed, has her Lasso of Truth, her unbreakable wrist bands, and other such weapons.  A Wonder Woman/Spiderman child would be immensely powerful and would be called . . . . . MALACH THE MERCILESS.
• C. Rag writes: Dear Malach, I’m thinking I should change my name to T. Boone Pickens. What do you think?  Have you suddenly changed into an old blind black blues musician?
• Angryman writes: Dear Malach, What about the Cubs and Harden? And Dempster w/win 10 last night? I’m pretty excited about this team, the pitching is a lot better top to bottom than last year and our pen is pretty solid. Still not complete yet, but Harden could do a lot to help.  You notice no one in the AL was really interested in Harden.  While I admit, he is a potential top 5 pitcher, he has been that for 3 years, and get injured every single year.  I give him 1 month to go on the season ending DL.  Should of gone after C.C. “fatter than Schilling” Sabathia.
• Moooogley Moog writes: Dear Malach: What’s the purpose of an invisible jet if everyone can see you flying in the f*cking thing? Also, I think we should come up with a secondary script for the live-action Wonderwoman movie that tells the tale of two Air Traffic controllers slowly going crazy trying to route planes around Wonderwoman’s invisible jet.  We can call it: “Pushing Tin, 2: Where’s the F*CKING PLANE?” You in?  I agree I have always found this:
  
  to be ridiculous, especially since Wonder Woman has been able to fly since the late 60’s.  Wiki has an article on it, about this invisible ring that can transform into any vehicle . . . check it out.  Personally, I think it’s stupid.  As for your send thing, sounds fun, let get some foreign airport to agree for rice.
• Tiff writes:  Who is better, Billy Mays or the ShamWow guy? Also, where’s the child molester joke?  Billy Mays of course, CHECK OUT THE BEARD!  And I hope my joke meets your child molesting standards.

MMA for Dummies
Thanks ESPN, this should go over well in the inner city schools.

Hey Jesse Jackson . .
You forgot to finish your sentence with  ” . . and eat them”.

JonBenet Ramsey
I am going get in trouble for this one, but I bet Scott Peterson did it.

Ted Kennedy
Man those Kennedy’s know how to party!

That’s not racist!
Memin Pinguin?  Hey Texas, you want something racist?  Check this out.  And since when does Texas or Wal*Mart for that matter even care about Mexicans?

I am thirsty . .
I was thinking of heading to the Moon for a nice cold tall glass of water.

Malach’s Video of the Day
You have waited patiently for Episode 8, here it is.

I am Malach and my pants smell like wine